Crazy Hat Lines
You've finished the show to a standing ovation. You've won the hearts, minds, and wallets of the edge. You've said your hat lines and stand there sheepishly hoping someone will break the awkward, deafening silence.
But why stop? You've done your best to get to this point. Why not just continue with funny, corny hat lines from Hell?
While you loudly address the crowd in general with your humor, engage the individual tipper with your eyes and always say THANK YOU!
Soon, they'll have to drag you away before you go thru this entire crazy list of humorous hat lines.
"If you liked my show, let my hat know!"
"I also take Visa, Mastercard, and American Express!"
"Please give generously! I could be out robbing homes...like yours!"
"Remember...You can write this off as a charitable contribution on your 1040! Just add a few zeros after the 5!"
"If any of you feel my performance was worth something to you, multiply it by ten and drop that in the hat!"
"Come on now! I know you can give more than a quarter! With all the money you save shopping at Salvation Army and cutting your own hair?"
"It's alright if you don't have change! I prefer 20's and 50's anyway!"
"Thank you, Sir! May I have another?!"
"Please give generously! I don't want to have to kick Grandma out again!"
"Yes! I even take personal checks but I won't take it personally!"
"You believe in the Hereafter, right? Then you know what I'm here after!"
"I thank you, my dog thanks you, and my landlord thanks you!"
"Please support the arts! If you don't help, I may have to get a job!"
"They say generosity is a virtue, so go for it! Me? I'm just greedy. I want all your money!"
"Be kind to strangers, remember? And I'm stranger than anyone else here!"
"Please, folks! I've got a heck-of-a-lot of alimony to pay!"
"If you're writing me a check, just leave it blank! I'll fill it in later!"
"Come on now! Your contribution goes towards my expensive psychotherapy!"
"Just remember, God is watching...and He probably already wants to kick your ass!"
"You can just drop the whole wallet in there! I'll mail you back the pictures and drivers license eventually!"